Our Daily Rice

The Incarnation--God With An Umbilical Cord

2009-12-21T14:49:00.000-08:00

How many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Only one did that for me
--Lyrics from "How Many Kings" by Downhere

I've been hearing this song on the radio this week. It always brings tears to my eyes. It makes me see...Jesus, taking off His royal robes, allowing Himself to become an embryo, growing inside a young girl. Jesus, limiting Himself for us. Can we ever know what that was like? Not completely. But if we can, for a moment, forget the herald angels singing, forget warm visions of friendly animals in a spotless barn, forget the unusualness of Christ's birth...then perhaps we can really see. A little anyway. See how human Christ became--how He humbled Himself.

Luke says it so delicately: "While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son." (Luke 2:6-7)

We are tempted to think sterile thoughts--Christ wrapped in snow-white blankets and in a cozy manger. Our minds recoil from the truth--that the King of Glory was born in a gush of blood and amniotic fluid to an groaning, exhausted, terrified teenager. In a barn. Over straw and manure. We don't want to remember that He did that, went that far for us. Isn't that a bit too much, Lord?

But we must remember. We must not tidy up Jesus' birth. We must always remember His sacrifice--the shadow of the cross over the manger.

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2:5-8)

Six Random Things About Me--For Carrie

2009-10-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

So, Carrie tagged me to write six random things about me. Mmmm... Where to begin? I'm sort of random and absent-minded, so this shouldn't be too hard. It's just so much easier to lurk on other people's blogs and read their randomness than to write my own.

1. I share Carrie's love of Korean rice and Korean food in general. Maybe that's not so random since...uh, she's my sister. The random thing is that I CRAVE Korean food when I'm pregnant. Just go back to my roots, I guess. That, and I can't get enough shaved ice, spinach, and steak. Yeah, I know you're thinking ANEMIC! ...You're probably right.

Oh, and I make some awesome bulgogi! Just thought I'd throw that in there.

2. I LOVE Masterpiece Theatre! I've seen just about all of their productions--except the creepy ones, cuz I'm a wuss like that. Anything Jane Austenish is right up my alley. In fact, I'm getting old and set in my ways, so I hardly watch anything else anymore--maybe that also has something to do with the fact that I have three little kids, too... Mark is kind enough to suffer through romantic comedies with me, but when it comes to "19th century soap operas", as he says, then I'm on my own!

3. I'm afraid of heights--really high heights, that is. I hide my eyes when we go on some of those awful dirt roads in the mountains with sheer drop-offs and no guard rails. Mark gets a kick out of this, and teases me mercilessly about it.

4. I'm not so good at math, but I'm good with finances. I know, that's supposed to be an oxymoron. I cannot do more than 2-digit sums in my head (sometimes not even that!), but I understand about dividends and mutual funds and compounding interest. Well, I'm getting there, anyway. Please, if you are a financial genius, don't leave comments! Financial stuff is just very interesting to me. I'm afraid that makes me a nerd.

5. Lists, schedules, and pretty new notebooks make me happy! Now, I'm SURE that makes me a nerd. Writing up a new routine, or writing in a new notebook makes me feel like all is right in my world--very therapeutic. Strangely enough, I hardly ever stick to routines (not very precisely, anyway), and my house is not very organized--and that doesn't bother me until it gets to the I-don't-know-where-anything-is point.

6. I will never, ever remember your phone number, but I will remember your name, and the names of your children, and your entire life history.

I often wonder about the life stories of the people sitting in the car next to me at the stoplight.

If you talk to me while I'm driving, I will follow my "salmon trail" as Jess says--and we will most likely end up at church, home, Target, piano lessons, Ultimate Buffet, or Jill's house. Which means I would probably do better to not think so much about the people in the car next to me.

I'm not so good at thinking before I speak.

I think my husband is the hottest guy ever, even after 10 years of marriage.

I'm cheating (on this list, that is--not on my hot husband). That's WAY more than six things. Maybe this wasn't so hard after all...

Thanks for the tag, Carrie. That was fun!

**Edited to add: Sorry, that was supposed to be "Ten Little-Known Things About Me". Not so sure the above stuff is particularily "little-known"--especially the part about me not thinking before I speak! :) Anyway, remember how I said that I'm absent-minded? Well, there you have it, folks!

Another Love Story

2009-09-19T20:08:00.000-07:00

Confession time. I have a love affair with children's literature. Whew! Got that one off my chest! Seriously, though, I am a helpless fanatic. I can breeze right through the toy section at Walmart without a single heart-string twinge; but get me into Borders and my kids know I am a sucker! Come on, even as I walk in the door, I almost swoon over the smell of coffee and books. I love books. I love reading. I love teaching reading. I love to read aloud. I love to listen to my kids read. I love to stack up all the children's books from the book shelf around me and sigh with pleasure. Yes, I'm weird. Now, math? That's another story--we won't go there.

A few things I've learned over the years--and am still learning!--about reading literature to children (a broad category, I know):

* First be excited about the book yourself. I was blessed with a mother who was a reading fanatic and, as you can see, she passed that on to me. Pick books that you loved as a child, or books that sound interesting to you. Every once in a while, I select a book to read aloud that I later find to be a real drag either to myself or to my kids. I've learned that it's perfectly okay to lay a book aside without finishing it and pick out something else.

* Stick to classic children's literature. Let me clarify that I have nothing morally against popular "movie turned into story" books, Barbie series, or Babysitter-Club-type popular fiction (Christian or otherwise). We have quite of few of those, in fact. However, I've found that my children don't really enjoy them. They are the books that get read once and then forgotten; or read halfway through and then found to be boring. They don't have much substance. Classic literature is enduring for a reason--children love it! Look for Newberry Award Winners, or books that have just plain been around for a long time. If children love it so much that it's been printed and reprinted over and over, then it's probably a great book.

* Don't be afraid to read slightly above your child's reading level. When I first started reading chapter books aloud to my oldest daughter, I used to change words that I thought she would not understand, or stop to explain a lot of things. One day she said, "Mom, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but can you please stop doing that? It kind of messes up the story. I'll let you know if I don't understand something."
I've found that, as usual, my kids "get" far more than I give them credit for! Recently, I read Heidi by Joanna Spyri aloud. Even the three-year-old enjoyed it and understood the general storyline. Side note: It helps (my children anyway) to listen better if they play with blocks or draw or do something quiet while I read. Don't insist that they sit still unless you're reading a very short picture book.

*For the homeschool teacher: Don't kill a book by insisting on book reports or narration. I know, I know, we want so much to have something to "show" for what our children read, but did those activities ever make you want to read more? There are plenty of ways to get your child to write or comprehend besides doing book reports or awkward narration. Try asking your child to write a story about when she spent a day with Laura in Little House on the Prairie. Or how about writing a different ending for her favorite adventure story? Maybe she could make a diorama of a scene from The Cabin Faced West. How about just asking your child what she's been reading and showing genuine interest instead of asking for a tedious narration? Try to keep reading pleasurable as much as possible.

The payoff:

Tonight, Cassie told me she had just finished Treasures of the Snow, by Patricia St. John. "It's time to pick a new book!" she said, excitement in her voice.

We went downstairs to the living room bookshelves. She browsed the titles, asking me my opinions of different ones. She finally had a stack of ten or so to choose from. She looked at them and arranged them into different piles, and skimmed the first few paragraphs, and looked at the pictures. "Oh, Mom, how can I decide!" she said.

I told her she would have to decide soon because it was well past her bedtime. She finally selected A Cricket in Times Square, by George Selden, and hurried upstairs to read the first chapter before falling asleep. I marveled that she had already fallen in love with reading.

Now, anyone want to volunteer to teach her to fall in love with math?

Frontier Days

2009-07-31T19:53:00.000-07:00

I think homeschooling is going to my head. No, not in THAT way. It's more messing with my head. It's turning everything into a unit study--or maybe I should say it's giving me an excuse to come up with crazy ideas and call them unit studies! :)

For example: We're about to embark on a unit study entitled "Frontier Days" with our co-op in September. At first, I had tame plans of taking the kids to a local pioneer reenactment thing. Pretty exciting, right? HOLD THE PHONE!!! I NOW HAVE A MUCH MORE FABULOUS IDEA!!

So, I was sitting on the couch reading Caddie Woodlawn aloud to the kids this morning--minding my own business--when I read that Caddie's house still stands and is now a museum in Menomonie, Wisconsin. Like any sensible person, I went to look that up on the map. And I couldn't help noticing that it is ONLY AN HOUR from Little House in the Big Woods in Pepin, Wisconsin!! Which is only about 3 hours from Burr Oak, Iowa (another Laura Ingalls Wilder historic site), and only about 4 hours from Walnut Grove, Minnesota (think On The Banks of Plum Creek). Then it would only be a 2 hour little jump to DeSmet, North Dakota (By the Shores of Silver Lake and the rest of the "Laura Books").

Now I was really excited! I carefully mapped out the whole route--including a stop for lunch at the American Girl Doll Store in Minneapolis, and Mount Rushmore (only an hour out of the way)--two "must sees", of course!

Excitedly, I presented my plan to my husband.

"It'll be the BEST unit study EVER!" I gushed.

"But Menomonie, Wisconsin is twelve hours away from here," he pointed out. I hadn't thought too much about that...

"And I just drove twelve hours across Kansas a few days ago."

Mmmm... He was right. At the time, I had sworn off any more road trips for six months. I always say that, but I'm ready to go again in a couple of weeks.

"But they're having "Laura Days" in September right there literally on the banks of Plum Creek! That's exactly when we're doing our unit study!! You can't get any more "Frontier" than that!"

"Yeah, but you'll miss most of your co-op days. Let's go next year in October or something. I bet the fall colors will be beautiful up there that time of year. Besides, you're going to need at least two weeks to get through that itinerary."

I sighed.

"But what if Joy doesn't want an American Girl Doll by then? Girls get too old for dolls, you know."

"She'll only be eight."

Yeah. Sigh.

"But I've already been to Little House on the Prairie and Laura's house in Mansfield, Missouri. This will make me complete."

I paused to let that news sink in.

My husband put his arm around me. I felt bad.

"I know," I said. "You have so much going on with school and all. I'm sorry. It can wait. But please tell me that it really is the best unit study ever."

"It is," he said. "I love your unit study. I want to come too! But next year, okay?"

"Okay."

He hugged me.

"You know what I love about you?"

"What?"

"You are always coming up with ideas. You keep me on my toes!"

Well, I'm glad he likes it, 'cause there's plenty more where those came from! Should I tell him about the catapult we're going to build for the Simple Machines unit study? Nah... I'll just surprise him...

The Rice Chronicles: Christmas in July

2009-06-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

**The Rice Chronicles continues with another snapshot of my crazy childhood! Please follow me around the world to Freetown, Sierra Leone, West Africa, where I spent the summer of 1995. I was 16 years. I was in a war-torn country. The only other white person that I knew of had left a week after I arrived. There was no electricity most of the time and there were huge roaches (eewww!). I was far from everything familiar--except rice. It was the staple diet, of course! The Rice Chronicles, take two...

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Christmas in July

I climbed the steps of the mission guest house wearily that night. I set the kerosene lantern on the table and groped around for something to eat. After weighing the possibilities--leftover potato leaf plassass with palm oil congealing around the edges of the plate, or a gigantic mango--I settled down to cutting up the mango and watching termites fly suicidal missions into the flickering light of my lantern.

I heaved a heavy sigh. I was so tired...of everything really. The initial excitement of the lush tropical landscape and a new culture to conquer had slowly worn off in the face of stark realities. Just that day we had visited a home overflowing with refugees fleeing the rebel terrorists. One pregnant woman was very ill, and the little witnessing team I was with had stopped to pray for her.

"'E de got de cholera," one of her relatives told me. Then, indicating a bright-eyed boy and girl curled up on a ragged blanket, "An' de pikin den. De de got 'em too."

What could I do? Nothing.

A few days ago... A woman writhing in the red mud next to her dilapidated shack--screaming as if her heart was being ripped apart. Her husband had just died.

What could I do? Nothing.

Children clogged the streets. Begging, crying, bloated stomachs, skinny legs. Homeless. No one called them their own.

What could I do? Nothing.

Amputees. Handless. You saw them everywhere--the butcher in the market, the lady on the bus, the child playing in the dust. Evidence of a senseless war. Cruelty beyond imagination.

What could I do? Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING!!

Lord, why am I here? I'm only sixteen. What in the world can I do? What difference am I really going to make? I'm lonely and overwhelmed and I want to go home.

I heard my house mate, Kadi, at the door. I hurried to wipe away my tears; I was not in a mood to bear my soul. Not to her, anyway. Kadi was a sweet Christian girl, but very quiet and usually kept to herself. Tonight, as usual, she greeted me politely and hurried upstairs to her room. I sighed and blew out the kerosene flame.

Inky, velvet darkness enveloped me. I had never quite got used to the complete darkness of Africa at night with no electricity. No streetlights, no headlights, no glowing windows. Dotted here and there were flickers from native oil lamps, capturing brief silouettes of passers-by. In between the small circles of light they cast were vast frontiers of blackness--inpenetrable, invincible darkness...

"Phebe."

I jumped.

"Sorry to startle you," Kadi whispered from the stairs.

"No, not at all," I said, "Come sit down. Should I light the lantern?"

"No, no. I'm used to the dark."

She held up something that glittered every so slightly in the velvet blackness.

"Did I ever tell you I play the flute?"

"No, I don't think you ever did," I replied, only slightly interested.

"Well, I don't play much. Only Christmas songs, actually."

Her voice sounded a little bashful at this admission.

"Can you play one for me?" I asked, wanting to make her feel better.

The first few notes trilled out loudly in the stillness. She was playing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen", and she played it very well. It made me think of carolling and of home, and when she was through, I asked her to play another.

And she did. That quiet, mousy girl must have known every Christmas song ever written--"Hark the Hearld Angels Sing", "Away in a Manger", "Silent Night", "O Come All Ye Faithful", "Good King Wencelas"... On and on she played, each soft note striking a blow against the palpable night.

I sat across from her on the cold tile floor, whispering the words to each well-known tune--verse after verse, song after song--tears slipping soundlessly down my cheeks.

"...O Little Town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie. Above thy deep and dreamless sleep, the silent stars go by..."

Dark, quiet streets like those outside the window. Mary gazing at the face of her new baby Son in the glow of a native lamp... Her Son born into a terrifying, sinful, dark world like this one.

"...Hail the heaven-born Prince of Peace! Hail the Son of righteousness! Light and life to all He brings, risen with healing in His wings. Mild He lays His glory by, born that man no more may die..."

Oh, Lord, how much we need your light and life and healing here. Oh, Jesus, come be born in Africa!

"...O come, O come Immanuel! And ransom captive Israel, that mourns in lonely exile here until the Son of God appear..."

I am here, Phebe. Shining out through you--a small circle of light in the acres of darkness. Shining out through every heart that is open to My light. I have many people in this city...

And I could see those lights--small but bright--dotted through the streets and mountainsides of Freetown. God's light and life and healing. Never going out. Pushing back the darkness. Hope for all of our wretched sinfulness. Hope for me.

My comforted heart overflowed with thankfulness to a God who cared enough about a homesick teenager to visit the dark backstreets of sad Freetown. With Christmas music. In July. A God who cared enough for all of us to come into our sad world as a crying, helpless newborn baby on Christmas. And bring light.

"...Yet in thy dark streets shineth the everlasting light. The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight..."

By Phebe Sistoso
June 7, 2009

Glimpses

2009-04-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

Home schooling. There are days when I wonder why I ever did this. That mostly happens on rotten weather days when we all have cabin fever. But really, why WOULD you want to home school? If I'm honest, I'd have to say that, yes, the expert teachers probably teach better than me. The children would've had more chance to explore subjects like Spanish and computers if they were at school. Sometimes I have trouble staying on top of things like what library books I need to reserve for next week's unit study, what field trips I need to coordinate, and what supplies I've forgotten to buy for which crafts. I'm no expert.

But I have a conviction that this is the right thing to do. It grows with every week that passes. It's hard to explain. In fact, I don't understand it completely myself. I can't resent people that don't understand our decision to home school, because I don't understand it either. The best way I can describe what's in my heart is: "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart".

This IS my desire. And I sure am delighting in it! Oh, not when Joy doesn't understand her math, or when Anne throws a fit when I'm trying to read aloud. It isn't even the educational games, the books we read, or the crafts we do that matter most. It's those brief glimpses of a beautiful childhood that reassure my heart that we're in the right place.

It's Belle walking across the backyard with the ducklings trailing behind. It's the children making snow angels in the front yard when everyone else is in school. It's Joy teaching her younger sister to play a song on the piano. It's the girls running and leaping in a windy meadow on a nature walk. It's Belle "fixing" the car with Dad on his day off. It's glimpses--beautiful, rare glimpses. Each one is a gift. It's not what they learn that matters most. It's who they are and who they are becoming. It's their childhood and it only happens once.

Glimpses... Beautiful, rare, treasured glimpses. I don't want to miss even one...

Blast From the Past

2009-02-23T15:36:00.000-08:00

So, I'm getting nostalgic lately. You see, twelve years ago I was just falling in love head over heels. February 1997 was a confusing, exhilarating time. I was totally crazy over my best friend, Mark Sistoso, but scared to death for him to find out--until he told me he was crazy about me too! On February 2, 1997. Then, of course, we didn't know what to do with our new situation. Were we girlfriend and boyfriend? What would we do when I went away to college? Of course, as girls do in those circumstances, I was already practicing my signature with my new last name, naming our future children, and looking at wedding gowns with new interest. Shhh! Don't tell the boys! It would scare them if they knew what REALLY goes on in our heads. :)

Then came February 28, 1997--Mark told me he loved me! And, after some careful consideration, I told him I loved him too. He told me I was the sort of girl he would like to marry one day. This was serious stuff! This was more than gazing at wedding gowns. This was more than just a crush. This was real love...

I wrote this a couple of months later, just before Mark left for a month-long trip to visit his family in California. Note: Keep in mind, this is from the pen of a very lovestruck 18-year-old. :)
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THE REALITY OF LOVE

You hold my hand tighter tonight than usual. Is it because you are leaving tomorrow? I know it is. You will not be gone for long, of course. Still, I can sense that sweet touch that farewells always bring--a touch of melancholy, a touch of thoughtfulness. It brings to mind a vague question--"What is real love?"

"Ironic," I think, looking about at the unromantic scene--the busy street, the flashing lights...

At the convenience store on the corner I start to go on, but you stop. I see that look in your eye, that smile on your face and wonder... You pull me inside, and when we step out a few moments later, I'm the proud owner of a rose.

"It's beautiful!"

"But I meant to get you a bouquet!" you protest, "I really did, but I got hung up running errands and buying groceries this afternoon..."

You look at me a little sadly. Oh, but don't be! I like my single, convenience store rose much better than a hothouse bouquet. I hold it close as we walk along, hand in hand. Then that question reappears--"What is real love?" Is it so irrelevant?

Tonight we must say "good-bye". If you were Romeo and I Juliet, then our farewell would be said in love-struck words at a moonlit balcony--"Good-night, good-night. Parting is such sweet sorrow..."

But if that is the hothouse bouquet, then give me th single rose of reality. I would not trade that scene for this. True, we cannot see the moon for the towering, gray buildings. Yes, you could not get me flowers because you were busy looking for green onions. I know, you have to leave tomorrow and I have to work. I do not envy Shakespearean romances, though.

Ahead of us, I see a cherry tree in full bloom. It's spreading branches are covered with delicate, white flowers. I tug you towards it, and this time it is your turn to wonder... Reaching up, I pluck a sprig of cherry blossoms for you. You take it as if it were a treasure, a perfect gift.

"Now you can't say I've never given you flowers," I tease, squeezing your hand.

You laugh. We both laugh, and the night bursts with sunshine. Then I see it, the answer to my question. Yes, I see it, there in you hand and here in mine--real love--a single rose and a tiny sprig of cherry blossoms.

Romeo can keep his lovelorn speeches and Juliet her passionate looks. I have something better--reality. The callused hand that clasps mine is warm, the man beside me is my friend, and the joy in my heart is free of pretense.

You kiss my hand gently.

"I love you," you say, and I know it is true.

That is real love.

By Phebe Granderson (Sistoso)
April 17, 1997

**Note: Just in case you were wondering--yes, I still have the sprig of cherry blossoms and the rose.**

His Reward

2009-02-21T06:58:00.000-08:00

Monday morning. Slick streets and snow to keep us home. The three-year-old has a wet bed. The one-year-old is getting into everything. Too many messes this morning. Too many kids in time-out.

I begin to cast about in frustration. What am I doing wrong? If only I work harder, can I have a perfect house? Perfect children? Perfect marriage? Lord, what do You want from me?

I see the world passing me by out the window. So many of my friends are moving on, getting jobs, going back to school, changing themselves… And here I am—snowbound at home with three children, frayed around the edges.

Oh Lord, what do I need to do to please You? To have an organized home? To make my children stop squabbling? To make my husband happy? ‘What must I do to be saved’?

And then Jesus comes by. I hadn’t expected Him. But there He is, grinning at my door.

“May I come in, Phebe?”

Such a gentleman, I think, rushing to wipe the crumbs off the table and straighten my hair.

“Oh Lord,” I apologize, letting Him in, “I’m sorry the house isn’t as clean as You’d like. I’m sorry I’m not as pulled-together as I should be. I’m sorry school is going slowly this morning.”

He just smiles and I wonder if He’s heard a word I just said. He plops down on my couch and lets out a huge sigh.

“I’m beat and frozen to the bone! Do you have anything hot to drink?”

“Oh yes! Just a minute!”

I hurry to boil water and pour the tea. In the other room I hear Jesus reading a story to the girls. They laugh aloud as His voice imitates a horse and then a duck. I reach for the communion cup for Jesus’ tea. But this morning is just…and my home is so not holy…and Jesus is lying on my couch for Pete’s sake. I grab a Mickey Mouse mug and pour His tea.

He sips it loudly and sighs.

“Thanks, daughter! That hits the spot.”

I sit down carefully beside Him and look around at the rumpled couch covers, the puddles of water on the floor where the seven-year-old and the three-year-old have been washing dishes. If only I’d known He’d be here! I could have made everything so much more God-worthy.

“So, where were You going this morning? I mean, when You were cold and tired and stopped by my little place?”

I think of all the places Jesus must have to be today—politically-decisive moments, crusade meetings, church outreaches, homes tidier and holier than mine…

“Home.”

He says the word so quietly that I wonder whether I heard Him right or not. Home where? Heaven?

“Where is home…Sir?” I ask awkwardly. After all, how do you address the King of Glory who has one foot propped up on your coffee table?

“Here, of course.”

“I…I thought Your home was in heaven?”

“’Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat—or have tea—with her, and she with Me.’”

It makes me laugh to hear Him quoting Himself. He laughs too.

“But Lord,” I say, “But Lord…”

And I look at myself—so imperfect, so many sins, falling so far short of His holiness.

Who am I, Lord?

He reaches out for my hand—and His is so scarred. Grace…

“But Lord, when You came by… Well, we were only washing dishes, and learning what starts with ‘A’ , and practicing the piano, and…and…”

I burst into tears. How can I tell Him, ‘You’ve got the wrong house, God. You want the church down the road. But please stay. I need You here so much’?

He reads my thoughts.

“But I came here. And you didn’t rush off or ignore Me. You opened the door and let Me in where there’s warmth and love and peace and children—My children. I love coming here. It’s home.”

And when His eyes look around, they don’t seem to see the fingerprints on the windows or the sins in my heart.

“May I stay? Live here?”

“Oh please do, Sir!” I say quickly, but fear springs up inside.

“What is it, daughter?” His eyes are searching my heart.

“But, Lord, what about tomorrow when I oversleep and don’t have devotions? What about when I eat too much for dinner, or forget to pray? What if I yell at the kids and You’re here? You don’t really want to be here for all the dirty diapers and math problems and runny noses, do You? Don’t You have more important things to do?”

“No, I don’t.”

A smile slowly spreads across His face at my look of bewilderment.

“I died so that I could be in relationship with you, with your husband, with your children—excuse Me—My children.”

His eyes grow serious again. I look down. There are those scars again.

“I would consider it an honor to wipe runny noses and change dirty diapers with you, to teach My children, to disciple you and forgive you a million times a day. It’s what I long to do. Let Me in. Let Me stay. Please give me the reward of My suffering.”

And then…no words…only grace… Incredible, amazing grace!

I kiss those scarred hands and I beg Him to stay forever and ever.

And now I know that tomorrow I’ll be horrible, but Jesus will forgive me. He will be there to slowly soften my heart, and I’ll grow and bloom in the warmth of His love.

He’ll be here every day with me, caring for immortal souls of children and cleaning up messes like He cleans up hearts—one day and one amazing moment at a time.

Yes, Jesus will be here—knee-deep in our need and helplessness and heart-yearning for Him. And He’ll be grinning because the longing of His heart is being satisfied—we are the reward of His suffering!

By, Phebe Sistoso

January 12, 2009

In Which I Am A Little More Organized...

2008-12-02T16:29:00.000-08:00

So, I DID get all of that stuff done yesterday, minus the laundry. With a crippled dryer, it just takes SO long. I washed our sheets, though, and worked through a few more loads.

Can I just say that I feel SO much better about life right now? A straight house just does that for me. I am fine with toys and books strewn about, but a complete disaster area drives me NUTS!

So, now I'm frosting cupcakes and finding white elephant gifts for the homeschool party tonight. It's going to be a lot of fun if we don't get snowed in!

Goals for this week:

Menu planning for next 2 weeks
Shopping/errands done
Date with Mark (Yay!)
Finish KONOS planning for next semester (lofty goal, but I can do it!)
Start organizing house
Do SOMETHING towards painting projects (in our bathroom and schoolroom)

In Which I Am Terribly Unorganized

2008-12-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

I'm usually an organized person, but lately I've been having that uncomfortable too-much-junk-in-the-closet feeling that I need to reorganize my house. Maybe my life...
Then came the Christmas season and pushed everything over the edge. Now on top of the clutter is glitter and craft supplies, loose ornaments and pine needles (from our tree), snowy boots, loose mittens, wet coats, piled up laundry (semi-broken dryer), backed up projects (caulking, painting)...
And my husband just decided to go back to school. So add college applications and essays to proofread.
And we just decided to homeschool. Add scheduling unit studies and setting up school room and supplies.
And we have my family visiting in a 2 weeks. Add extra menu planning.
And it's the holidays. Add sending out cards, gifts, etc.

I'm not complaining. On the contrary, I think I have an awesome life right now! I just think my life needs a file cabinet and color-coded cubbies. I don't know where to start--pick up the wet boots or measure the wall for our KONOS timeline?
So I'm starting by blogging. Yes, it's partially a way to procrastinate for just a few more minutes, but also a way to make a plan and DO the plan without having to--heaven help me!--keep up with one more list. So I apologize in advance if there's anyone out there who actually READS this blog--you are now reading Phebe's to-do list! If you are interested in reading the annuals of the launch of our homeschool and how I survived the holiday crunch--welcome! Please leave any suggestions! If not...oh well! :)

So, without further ado:

Wash and replace sheets
Wipe down and mop kitchen
Quick-clean bathrooms
Try to finish laundry
Dusting and vacuuming
Get Christmas stuff up and fall stuff put away for heaven's sake!!
Dinner: BBQ chicken, rice (of course!!), salad.

As you can see, today is "save my sanity" day. Gotta get the house decent and the laundry caught up. I already spent some time skimming over KONOS unit studies and making notes. I'll post those thoughts and plans another day.

21-Day Challenge: Ending On A Good Note

2008-07-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

Hi all! Today is the last day of the 21-Day Challenge, and I just wanted to check in with you all.

We had a hard day yesterday. I went down into our crawlspace to get something only to discover everything was wet! We could not find a pipe busted anywhere. We ran every water-connected thing in the house and found no dripping. Finally, I turned on the drip hoses in the front flower beds to water for about 45 min, then went into the crawlspace to find everything (what I hadn' t hauled out yet), FLOATING and 2-6 inches of water EVERYWHERE!! Turns out the water was running straight through the poor soil in the front, under the foundation, and gurgling into the crawlspace. WHAT A MESS!! You can imagine what we did all day: haul out stuff (mostly things I was saving for a garage sale), wash and dry all kinds of stuff, throw things out, haul out soaking wet tarp and carpet, clean mud and insulation that was all over my kitchen (only entrance to the crawlspace is there), haul up buckets of water---yeah, it was a long day!!

I think I can count that as exercising yesterday.

I am thankful that even though it was a MESS to clean up, it was not an expensive repair. Basically, I am left with a lot of laundry and having to relocate my flowers to somewhere NOT against the house!

That was our first major disaster as homeowners...

ANYWAY, I think this 21-day challenge has been good for me.

It taught me that exercise is fun, that I feel better when I do it--AND it got me in the HABIT of exercising. I'm thankful.

I am still not 100 % in the habit of going to bed on time, but I have been getting 7-8 hrs of sleep the past few nights and have noticed a dramatic difference in my level of crankiness and in my outlook on life in general.

The no white flour/no white sugar thing has probably been the least successful. I did stick to my plan pretty well--barring a few animal crackers, and I think a dessert at a friend's house. I no longer really crave those things, so that was a great side effect of the challenge. However, I don't think that white flour/sugar was the root problem. I think my attitude/obedience to God is. That's what I'm going to work on next.

How did YOUR challenge go?

Blessings...

21-Day Challenge--Found Righteous in This Generation

2008-07-21T07:19:00.001-07:00

"The Lord then said to Noah, "Go into the ark, you and your whole family, because I have found you righteous in this generation." Genesis 7:1

I was reading the account of Noah and the ark in Genesis this morning. At first, I was reading it as a sweet, familiar Sunday school story, then the verse above caught my eye. Wow! Noah was found righteous in his generation! He lived in a sinful generation with temptations all around, just like we do. God had a definite purpose for his life--namely, to save the world--and Noah lived up to it. Noah was found righteous in his generation...

Lord, may I be found righteous in this generation. May my life shine out to those around me. Please remind me throughout the day that you have just as much of a purpose for my life as you did for Noah's.

******************************************************************************************************

My challenges:

1. Go to bed on time:
STILL struggling here!! It's a vicious cycle: go to bed late>>wake up early>>tired>>take nap>>not tired at bedtime>>go to bed late again. TODAY I'm going to bite the bullet and just be tired until bedtime so that I will fall into bed exhausted and go to sleep on time!

2. Exercise 3 or more times per week:
Doing great here! Exercised 5 times last week, and once this week already. I'm getting really energized from this. I walk, jog, walk, jog--out in the fields with the dog early in the cool morning. Can't beat that!

3. No white flour/sugar for 21 days:
Doing pretty well here. Don't even really want candy/baked goods anymore. I guess I have successfully broken the addiction. Better beware and not go there again. HOWEVER, I don't know that I've broken the "snack addiction". I've successfully replaced the candy/baked goods with nuts and raisins--much healthier, but I'm not going to lose weight very fast that way! Oh well, this challenge wasn't about the lbs, right?

Hope you all are blessed today!

21-Day Challenge: Search Me O God...

2008-07-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

"The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart." Proverbs 17:3

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Ps 139:23-24

Lord, search my heart and purge out all things that are not of You. Please lead me in the way everlasting...

My 21-Day challenge:

1. Go to bed on time:
This is the one I'm struggling with the most! Something always seems to come up. I am hoping to really work on this, because getting up late the next morning and not having time with the Lord always makes the day start off rough...

2. Exercise 3 or more times per week:
I went running/walking this morning. That's already 3 times this week! I am really enjoying this challenge--beginning to like the "burn"!

3. No white flour/ sugar for 21 days:
Doing much better on this. Went grocery shopping and picked up some things like more fresh fruits and veggies, whole wheat bread, etc. I really think this challenge is helping me overall. I have noticed that now I don't really CRAVE the white sugar/flour "high" as much anymore.

How are you guys doing?

See you guys after the weekend!

21-Day Challenge

2008-07-16T06:23:00.000-07:00

Today I'm claiming Matt 6:33 "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you!"

1. Go to bed on time.
Mmm... Getting to bed by 10:30, but still not by 9:30 consistently (which is what I was shooting for). I think I will try to get in bed just 5 min earlier every night and get up 5 min earlier every morning and see how that works.

2. Exercise 3 or more times per week.
Doing great on this! Have gone walking/running 3 times this week already. I am really enjoying this and it IS becoming a habit! This 21-day challenge would be worth it just for that!

3. No white flour or sugar for 21 days.
Not eating candy or baked goods. Have not baked since the challenge started. Cannot seem to kick the little snacky foods altogether, though--like I had a couple handfuls of Costco organic animal crackers yesterday. I am going shopping today and will pick up more fruits/veggies to snack on. Drinking more water would help fill me up too, I think...

Thanks for reporting in on your challenges. I think that even if we make ONE new habit, it will be worth it!

21-Day Challenge: New Week!

2008-07-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

**My internet was on the fritz for several days this week. That's why I haven't been posting!**

Well, here we are on week 2! It's a new, fresh week for all of us!

My challenges:

1. Go to bed on time:
We have been having an INCREDIBLY busy week!! We've been to the library, swimming, to a softball game, girl scouts functions (TWO!), to two out-of-town destinations and back, and hosted my god son over the weekend! Yikes! I have had a few late nights, but have done fairly well. Last night I was in bed by 9:30 pm, and have been in bed by 10 pm a few other nights this week. I can tell the difference when I get enough rest!!

2. Exercise 3 or more times per week:
Met this goal this week. On Friday (when my internet was on the fritz), the girls and I went walking at the mall, and we covered the whole thing at a fairly good clip! Got up and went walking/jogging this morning, so I'm off to a good start this week.

3. No white flour/white sugar for 21 days:
A bit iffy on this one. This weekend my god son did a lot of cooking for us and I indulged in some pancakes and other stuff that he made. I think I need to get more to the HEART of this challenge. I've been finding myself overindulging in "okay" (i.e. no white sugar/flour) things, which sort of still defeats the purpose of trying to change a habit! Working on this... Any ideas welcome...

How are you doing on your challenges?

21-Day Challenge: Quick Post!

2008-07-09T06:36:00.000-07:00

I apologize in advance because this is going to be really short. Life is happening here--swimming this morning, softball this evening!

My challenges:

1. Going to bed on time: Went to watch Hancock with my brother last night, so got in a bit late. Not doing very well on this challenge.
2. Exercise 3+ times per week: I am really enjoying this! I think this is going to be my easiest challenge. I did not go this morning, as I slept in a bit, but I have already gone twice this week and feel like I can definitely keep this one up!
3. No white flour or sugar: Doing good on this one. Still haven't eaten any. I've getting very "snacky" though. Feeling hungry often. I need to keep track of what I eat. Eating enough peanuts will offset my efforts to not eat any other "bad stuff" if I'm not careful!

Little people waking up and needing to be fed...

Phebe

Making Your Home a Haven Mondy: The Two-Hour Clean-up That Wasn't

2008-07-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

So, to update from yesterday, I did NOT get all of those things done. Sure, I did clean the kitchen and mop the floors, clean up the clutter and do several loads of laundry and even clean the downstairs bathroom...BUT, I think I made my home a haven by tossing out the to-do list around 11 a.m. or so and enjoying the park with my family. We had a great time as you can see! We spent the evening having dinner with out-of-town friends and had a great time catching up. Atogether, it was a wonderful family day! Now, back to that laundry pile...

21-Day Challenge: Trust in the Lord

2008-07-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Trust God today to give you strength. Lean on Him...

***********************************************************************************

First, here's the line-up:

C.P.
1. Do 100 situps and 30 min cardio everyday.
2. Do 10-15 min of parenting book/journal every night.

J.C.
1. Walk 1.5 - 2 miles six days a week.
2. Plan ahead for lunches & snacks during the week.
3. NO EATING OUT - unless it's a treat of some sort (i.e. birthday, etc)

W.W.
1. Be in the Word every morning for at least 15 min.

REAL ME
1. Get up no later than 6:30 am.
2. Walk everyday.
3. Journal food everyday

T.S.
1. I will do Prayer Journaling!

C.R.
1. Stop stressing about it all and walk a life of love and listening to the Father's voice about what I eat and what I don't.

P.S. (That's me!)
1. Go to bed ON TIME (by 9:30pm)
2. Exercise 3 or more times per week
3. NO white flour or sugar for 21 days!

I think that's everyone! I got a little confused between July goals and Challenge goals. One and the same? Mmmm... If I'm missing someone, please let me know so I can add you!

So, how am I doing on my challenges?

1. Go to bed ON TIME
Went to bed on time on Sunday night and could really tell the difference on Monday. Monday evening we went out of town to visit friends and didn't get home until after 1o pm. I was in bed a little after 11 pm, I think. Still, I am NOT going to take a nap today so that I'll be ready to go to bed on time tonight!

2. Exercise 3 or more times per week
I'm doing great on this one--and I am sore, but have more energy! Yesterday morning and this morning I took Tonka (the dog), and we went for a walk/jog on the path through fields close to our house. It was great watching the sunrise and enjoying the quiet.

3. No white sugar or flour for 21 days
I've kept my word on this so far. I'm actually NOT loving this now, but can feel the difference in my body already. I think I'll get used to it. I do need to go grocery shopping and have more things on hand to snack on...

There you have it, girls. Sounds like most of you are doing well on your challenges--congrats! Those who are struggling a bit--just remember, life happens (like what happened with me going to bed late last night), but if you just get up and keep going, you'll still be able to form that new habit in 21 days!

Blessings today!

Making Your Home a Haven Monday: The Two-Hour Quick Clean Up

2008-07-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

Make sure to get over to Biblical Womanhood for the details of this weekly inspiration to make our homes a haven!

We also had a busy weekend, and today my hubby (The Man) is still on vacation from work. We have plans to take the kids to a special park not far away and to have dinner with some out-of-town friends. This may be more like a ONE-hour cleanup!

Here's the plan:

1. Clean up kitchen and mop floors.
2. Quick clean-up of bathrooms--wipe down with Clorox wipe and swish toilets.
3. LAUNDRY!! Try to make it through the pile from camping over the weekend.
4. Quick pick-up of downstairs (living room, family room), and put away garage sale pile (currently clogging the coat closet) in crawlspace.
5. Quick pick-up, dust and vacuum of upstairs.

That's quite a list, including the other things going on today! Maybe a bit too ambitious! I'd better get off the ol' PC and get going!! I'll update later...

21-Day Challenge: Perseverance, Grace, and Character

2008-07-06T15:31:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I hope this morning finds you looking forward to a fresh start. Are you ready to go? I am! Let's make sure we remember, though, that today will most likely be a breeze, tomorrow will be a little harder, and by Day 3, we will be sick of this! However, if we stick it out for a couple more days, things will get easier. Before we know it, our new habit will be second nature!!

First, did you commit your day--and your new habit--to the Lord? He is able and willing to help you (and me too!). Sometimes I tell myself that this ingrained bad habit ("stronghold" or whatever you want to call it) is my personal issue and something I need to take care of. Yet Jesus is our real and present help. He uses things like this in our lives to teach us about perseverance, grace, and character. I often wish God would just touch me with His "magic wand", take away these bad habits from my life, and replace them with godly ones. He rarely does that, though--have you noticed? These trials are how we learn to lean on God. Oh Lord, help us to really learn this time around!

"...We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5:3-4

Phebe's 21-Day Challenges:
1. Go to bed on time.
2. No white sugar or flour.
3. Exercise 3 or more times per week.

I'll let you know tomorrow how it's going...

**I'm cross--posting this on YW email list, so you can comment there or here... Welcome to anyone else in blogland that is joining us!**

Don't Forget!

2008-07-06T15:30:00.000-07:00

Don't Forget! Tomorrow starts the 21-Day Challenge! Are you ready? See you tomorrow.

Works For Me Wednesday--Five Ingredient Edition

2008-07-01T18:36:00.000-07:00

This is my first time joining Works For Me Wednesday. Be sure to check out all the fun at Shannon's place.

I was hoping to wow you guys with some oriental creation, but unfortunately those take a lot more than five ingredients--so we'll save them for another time.

Crockpot Oriental Chicken (it's crockpot TOO--do I get extra credit for that?!)

**Sorry, no pictures. You can tell I'm a new blogger because I haven't yet figured out that you're supposed to take pictures of things like dinner in the crockpot.**

Ingredients:

10-12 chicken legs
1 1/2 c barbecue sauce
1/2 c honey
2 tsp prepared mustard
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce

Sprinkle chicken with salt and pepper and broil in the oven until slightly brown and crisp on the edges--do this to both sides of chicken. Do not omit this step! I have tried and it turns out nasty! In the meantime, mix together the other ingredients. You may add some hot pepper sauce to it if you like. Put chicken in the crockpot. Pour barbeque mixture over the top. Cover and cook on low for 5 hours or until heated through. THAT'S IT!!

We serve this with rice (what else?!), and a salad. This dish goes really fast at our house. It's one of my family's favorites--and easy to cook, too! Enjoy!

21-Day Challenge

2008-07-01T18:27:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the 21-Day Challenge headquarters! This challenge is for my fellow sisters in Your Weigh and also for anyone else that drops by and wants to join in.

I read somewhere that it takes around 21 days to form a new habit, so I thought we could each pick a habit or two or three and do things differently for 21 days and see what happens. We can tell ourselves "this is just for 21 days--I can do anything for that long". It might just stick, though!

Here are the guidelines:

1. You can pick up to 3 habits, but lets not do more than that--it's hard to change too many things at once.

2. NO LB NUMBERS ALLOWED!! I want to lose the lbs as much as anyone, but this is about changing our habits to change our lifestyle. That means that if you have changed your HABIT, you have been successful, whether you've lost one lb or not!!

3. We will start July 7th (Monday) and go through July 27th. That will give us time to buy running shoes, or a bigger water bottle, or get rid of the brownies in the house, or buy a new alarm clock, or whatever we need to be successful on our challenge

4. I will post everyday: something like a verse to encourage us, and an update on how my challenge is going. Leave a comment and let me know how your challenge is going (Your Weigh girls can comment here or by email).

5. These are only "guidelines". I am not going to toss anyone off of the challenge because they are not doing well. Of course, this will work best, though, if you can pick something that is not completely impossible, and then really commit to see it through.

I'm sure you guys have all noticed that I'm actually trying to help myself here. I know that if I'm the one running this thing, then I will have to be accountable and change a few things myself.

So, without further ado, here are my challenges:

1. NO white flour or white sugar for 21 days.

I know this seems a bit extreme, but I am actually fairly close to this already. My family prefers rice/noodles and doesn't eat alot of desert. When I eat white flour/sugar it's because I'm doing it for ME, not them. I just feel I need to break the cravings and habits of giving in to this. I will warn you, though, that I am not going to analyze this to death. I'll have whole wheat pasta and bread and I won't have anything with "sugar" as the first or 2nd ingredient; but I"m not going to read every label to find out if "sugar" is ten ingredients down.

2. Exercise three times per week.

I'll probably just go for a brisk walk with the dog.

3. Go to bed on time (around 9:30, since my husband has to get up so early for work now).

I'm being a little sneaky with this one. I know if I go to bed on time then it is far more likely that I'll get up on time and have devotions and just generally stick to my plan and good habits for the day.

So, here we go guys... I'll check in on Sunday--the day before we start.

We can do this!

Conversations With a Two-Year-Old

2008-06-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

Setting: Driving kids home from their Mama's (Grandmother's) house. Mark and I had just finished switching their bedrooms around.

Me: "Belle, when we get home, you'll have a new room and a new bed."

Belle: "I go have a new bed in my room, Mom?"

Me: "No, you'll have a new room too. You and Anne (the one year-old) are going to sleep together now."

Belle: "Anne go sleep in MY bed?! No Mom! She no fit!"

Me: "No, Belle. Anne will sleep in her crib. You'll sleep in your new big girl bed because you're almost three years old now. You're a big girl!"

Belle: "THREE sleep in my bed, Mom?!! No, Mom! (Nearly in tears now) I want MY bed!! Belle sleep in my bed! No Joy, no Anne--BELLE!!" (Everything has an exclamation point after it when Belle talks)

Me: "Oh, Belle, it's okay. You'll like it, honey, don't worry. Just wait till we get home.... (sigh)..."

Later, at home:

Belle: "Mom, I LOVE it!! I LOVE it!! I have my BIG BED!!"

And she did love it. She fell right to sleep--no problem--in her new room and new bed. And all by herself--no Joy and no Anne--just Belle...

God Will Make A Way

2008-06-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

Recently, we had a cut in my husband's paycheck and I started looking for work. Since I am a nurse "looking for work" meant "go interview at the hospital". So I did. It had been a year and a half since I quit my part-time job to stay home with my children and I was a little nervous, but with the nursing shortage going on I knew I could land something easily. And you know what? I didn't. I am convinced God closed the door. One hospital turned me down, another offered an absurdly low wage, one just never called back. And I was amazed to find that I was RELIEVED! Even though I was planning to work only one day per week, I was already dreading the babysitting headaches, the commute, the twelve-hour shifts.

That was when I realized what a work God has done in my heart! You know what? I'm not just doing this stay-at-home mom thing until the kids get a little older any more. My career is not "on hold". This IS my career, and I don't want any other!

That said, we still needed money, so I started looking around. This time I kept a more open mind. I decided to consider options that didn't need the "R.N." after my name. I found a great possibility in medical transcription from home--it paid much more than I had thought it would. I also found a viable alternative in teaching prepared childbirth classes--something I had done a long time ago. Then I sat down with my husband and we really TALKED. I showed him the job ideas I had come up with and we discussed the fact that the hospital jobs seemed to have fallen through. I asked him what he thought I should do.

And now comes the really exciting part of this story! My husband--raised in a very broken, single-parent, no father home--told me, "I want my children to have what I never had. I want you at home. I'll work extra, I don't mind--but I want you at home. We'll look at the finances and find a way."

Wow! I felt like I was set free! I suddenly looked at my home as wonderful and full of potential. I couldn't wait to get up in the morning to work at my "dream job"! Of course, I've had some bad days since then--teething and toilet training happen, y'know--but I do have a different attitude. I'm not here because I can't get a job somewhere else or because we can't afford babysitting. I'm here because this is precisely what God--and my husband-- want me to do. It's my calling.

I just want to encourage the other moms out there that may be in my shoes. Maybe you didn't start on the mothering path the right way. Maybe you started out like me, thinking that you would have children and they would somehow ride along in the sidecar of your career. But now God is leading you home. And He's changed your heart and you want to stay home, but you just don't see how. Here are a few things to think about; I'm sure there are many more:

1) Pray, and talk to your husband. Really ask for his honest opinion. Be sure of your own attitude about staying home first. For awhile my husband encouraged me to go back to work simply because he thought I wasn't happy staying home full-time. Most husbands want their wives to be happy. Let him know that you WANT to stay home and care for his home and children full time if at all possible.

2) Think outside the box. There are ways to earn some income from home that may not be as hard or time-consuming as you think. Discover what really motivates and interests you. With my husband's encouragement, I am pursuing being a Childbirth Educator and teaching class one evening or morning a week. I never had time when I was working outside the home to really develop this interest. Now I can!

3) There are sacrifices you can make that WILL make a difference. We sold one SUV and bought a small, cheap sedan. We gave up cell phones. We are going camping in lieu of a more expensive vacation. These things have not been that painful to give up, especially when I consider how much more complicated my life would be if I went back to work.

4) Finally, continue to pray and seek God's direction. Trust Him. He's the one that led you home, and He's the one who is able to keep you there...

Real love

2008-06-16T16:41:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday was our anniversary. We had planned a romantic getaway but, as is often the case, life happened and we counted ourselves lucky to be able to steal a couple of hours off by ourselves. We went to our favorite restaurant--a hole-in-the-wall Vietnamese place--and ordered our favorites by number since we can't pronounce the names of things on the menu.

After dinner we hurried to the dollar store to buy as many oh-please-dear-God-let-this-work toys to reward the two-year-old's potty training "efforts". We then hurried home and worked with said two-year-old for awhile, then one of us put kids to bed while the other did laundry. Then we settled down for a chat, a surprise bouquet of flowers (my husband knows what makes me happy), and a little kissing... ;)

And it made me think... This IS really what it's all about, isn't it? Not the romantic getaways (though those ARE nice every once in awhile), not the perfect evenings of strawberries and chocolate, not the cruises. What really bonds us to one another, what really makes us one is this--real life. It's the messy everyday stuff--the poop in the bathtub (been there, moms?), the never-ending remodel project, the tight finances, the kids, the laughs along the way--that fuse us together.

Our anniversary was perfect, actually. It was a perfect slice of the nine years of marriage that we are celebrating...nine years of life and real love...

Vacation Fun!

2008-06-08T21:25:00.000-07:00

Here's a few pictures from our recent trip to Oklahoma and Arkansas to see family:

Here we all are paddling around the pond at my parents' place. This picture is entitled "How Many People Can We Fit Into One Small Row Boat?"

Anne playing in the dirt at the park in Siloam Springs--rather, Anne EATING the dirt. At almost 13 mos, I am amazed at how she STILL loves to eat sand, dirt, playdoh--and acts as if it's delicious, too!
Belle chasing the banty hens at my parents' house.
Me (holding Anne) sliding down "Pine-Needle Hill" with Joy.

Hope you all are having a great summer!

The Rice Chronicles: One Grain at a Time

2008-05-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

"Girls! Get down here this minute!" my dad screamed. That was so uncharacteristic of him that my sister Anna and I stopped dressing and stared at each other for a minute. My oldest sister Carrie jumped out of bed.

"It's finally happened!" she said breathlessly with eyes wide. We all gasped and went tearing downstairs in our shirts and underwear.

"What Daddy, what?! Where are we moving to?" we all shouted as we rounded the bottom step and roared into the kitchen.

"Moving? What are you talking about? I'm just tired of calling fifty times for someone to get a loaf of bread from the cellar! I have seven kids; surely one of you can do THAT!"

A LOAF OF BREAD??!! Carrie headed down the cellar stairs while Anna and I trooped dejectedly back upstairs to finish getting ready for school--visions of riding airplanes, living in grass huts, and converting natives leaking away...

I was six years old when that happened. I cannot remember when we all started talking about being missionaries and living overseas. My little brothers and I used to look up exotic pictures of far away landscapes in an encyclopedia. Then, perching on a step of the dark basement stairs and focusing a flashlight on the book below us, we would pretend we were riding in an airplane and watching the country roll away beneath us.

One day when I was eight years old, it finally DID "happen". We were all sitting on the back porch, eating a watermelon and squirting seeds at each other. My mother was inside, chatting with a friend (which is why I suppose she sent all seven of us outside with a watermelon), when the phone rang. A few minutes later my mom appeared at the back door, beaming with tears in her eyes.

"Kids, we're moving to Korea! Daddy got a job working for the Army", she said. We immediately started cheering and hugging and tossing rinds in the air.

"When? Will we ride on an airplane? How long will we live there? Will we have to live in a hut?"

The next few weeks were a whirl of checking out books on Korea, packing, and holding a garage sale. I don't remember having any anxiety about leaving my country and friends. It was all one huge adventure!

With one exception.

My parents took us to a "Travelogue" on Korea. It was basically a talk given by someone who had traveled around in Korea, accompanied by a slide show (or filmstrip?). It was held in a dusty old theater on a curtained stage, and my brothers and I giggled while we tried to keep the theater seats from folding us up. I don't think I paid much attention until the man started talking about Korean food. He showed a picture of chopsticks and rice.

"Do you know how to use chopsticks?" he asked.

Yes, I definitely didn't want to miss this!

"Well," he said dramatically, "You have to eat rice one grain at a time."

Laughter rippled through the theater, but I sat there wondering how I would possibly stay alive in a country where you have to eat rice one grain at a time. Should I carry my own spoon? How DID Korean people keep from wasting away?

And so began the adventure that turned my world upside down and one day brought me to where I am today...a white girl with an Asian heart. Cornbread in the oven and rice scattered over the floor. A foot in both worlds...

To be continued...

Watch and Pray

2008-05-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

From this morning's Bible reading:

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Matthew 26:41

Temptation. It usually makes me think of great, "horrible" sins: murder, infidelity, stealing... But that is not where Satan usually tempts us...especially us Christians. Oh, we're on the lookout for him there! No, he likes to wear us down with the everyday grind of life--temptations to lose our patience and scream at the kids, temptations to have a lousy attitude when hubby comes home, temptations to follow our own plans and not be grateful in God's plan for us.

So, what is the remedy for this temptation? Watch and pray. "Watch" to me means "be alert". Not necessarily watching for temptation, but watching the Lord's face. Not getting so muddled down in my own plans and my own day that I fail to seek Him for everything. This goes hand in hand with "pray without ceasing". Watch and pray...

Serving Jesus

2008-04-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

"The blind and the lame came to Him at the temple, and He healed them." Matthew 21:14

I read that verse this morning, picturing Jesus sitting on the temple steps overlooking Jerusalem, healing all who came to Him. Off to the side were the teachers of the law, grumbling in jealousy and anger. That very morning Jesus had driven the money changers from the temple courts, full of righteous zeal for God's house. But Jesus wasn't focused on them. He was touching the crippled man in front of Him, making him whole...

...Then I looked around me. I was sitting in my living room on a rumpled blue couch cover, yawning and drinking coffee--Joy's backpack lying on the floor ("Oh yeah, I need to sign that permission slip"), Belle's puzzle spread out on the coffee table, Anne's baby shoes sitting on a chair, water boiling for oatmeal...the scene seemed so far removed from the one above. I sighed and turned back to the verses in front of me. Then this caught my eye:

"...And He left them and went out of the city to Bethany, where He spent the night..." (vs. 17)

Then I could picture Jesus--so very tired--walking the road to Bethany in the cool of the evening. He must have been glad it wasn't far. He was going to Mary, Martha, and Lazarus' house. When He arrived, I'm sure Mary opened the door for Him, washed His feet, fed Him a good dinner. I wonder if He even had His own room and bed at their house. Probably. It was a place where He was at home--where He was fed, loved, cared for.

Now that scene wasn't so far removed from my own! Feeding, washing, caring, loving--isn't that what I do every day?

"But Lord, it must have been so different for Mary and Martha. It must have been "ministry"--holier somehow--when they were serving You."

But it wasn't. Mary and Martha were homemakers just like me. They had to plan dinner and mop floors and wash dishes. There was nothing "holy" about warming water to wash Jesus' feet, or reheating His cold dinner.

Or maybe there was. Maybe there is something holy about these seemingly small tasks that I do everyday too--the scratched knees I kiss, the diapers I change, the dinners I cook.

"...whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:26-28

God in the small things. A holy God incarnate. God with us. Immanuel.